I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
