Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
