dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
