watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Randomize
