I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
