You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
