She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
and she was petting her beer can
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
