I hate all girls vehemently.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
