if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
