Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
The adults are the big ones right?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
