found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
She is in my trunk
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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