I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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