when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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