last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
