i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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