Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
