bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
