ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
