Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
A bitchslap is in order.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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