covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
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