You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
