i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
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