apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
