You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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