Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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