I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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