at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
