was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
We just shotgunned beers for America
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
