Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
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