butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
