just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
