You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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