Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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