So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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