um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
