The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
