My first STD was from a foam party
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
