It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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