Kiss
Puke
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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