Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVEâ€
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
