Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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