Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
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