I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
