I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Randomize
