she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
