the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
