Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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