bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
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