Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
