not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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