he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
